This is the kind of silliness that happens when you’re obsessed with Greek mythology and bad puns. If the Greek pantheon were on a kitchy dating show, how would they be advertised?
Zeus: They say lightning never strikes twice…
Hades: His love will burn you up with desire.
Poseidon: Still waters run deep. His love is a tempest!
Hera: She’s the original MILF!
Hephaestus: He’s made to love you.
Artemis: She loves the hunt and the thrill of the chase.
Apollo: He’ll light up your life.
Aries: Love is a battlefield.
Athena: You’ll choose her… if you’re wise.
Demeter: The grass can’t get any greener (time to roll in the hay?)
Hermes: The fastest thing in the universe…is his love!
Gaia: She’ll mean the world to you!
Hercules: He’s been through 12 labors, but a woman ain’t one!
Aphrodite: Love like the original.
Mnemosyne: Better than you’ll ever remember!
Atlas: He’ll move heaven and earth for you!
And some bonus villains:
Cyclops: He only has eye for you!
Minotaur: You bring out the beast in him!
Centaur: Desire makes him a stallion in bed!
Hydra: When he’s thwarted, his love for you will return twofold!
Medusa: The snakes aren’t venomous, but she sure is!