Category Archives: Uncategorized

May 7, 2013 · 9:00 am

You Are My Sunshine

sunshine-awardI’m an award-winning blogger now. That’s right. It’s true.

TheParasiteGuy “nominated” me for this bit of silliness.

The rules for the Sunshine Award:

  1. Post the sunshine award logo
  2. Accept the nomination and link back to the nominator
  3. Answer the questions
  4. Nominate ten other blogs(or sites) and inform them of the award

—

My answers
(the copyeditor in me really want to be pedantic and point out that none of the below are actually questions…)

Favorite color: Red

Favorite animal: Big cats (particularly caracals!)

Favorite number: 6. It’s curvy and sensuous.

Favorite non-alcoholic beverage: Tea, Irish breakfast, hot.

Favorite alcoholic beverage: Don’t know that I have one, but I prefer those that taste like candy.

Facebook or Twitter: Eh. I’m kinda unimpressed with both right now.

Passions: Baking adorable and delicious sweets, writing, editing, and doing crafts of all sorts.

Giving or receiving gifts: Both, of course!

Favorite city: Chicago was pretty swell.

Favorite TV shows: Alias; Star Trek: TNG or Voyager; My Little Pony: FIM (seriously, it’s fantastic)

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April 25, 2013 · 10:00 am

The Meaninglessness of Happiness

Last year, for her birthday, I gave my mom a copy of “The Happiness Project.” It was one of those gifts I hoped she might enjoy…and that she’d read quickly and pass on to me. (I’m still waiting. Drat.) So I haven’t actually gotten to read it yet, but it’s a really brilliant concept that can be a little tricky to understand: if happiness is fleeting, how do we make ourselves more happy?

“Happiness Project” author tried a different set of suggested ideas for a month each: a year of happiness, if you will. I wish I could get that book to find out how it turned out (except I do know she’s doing quite well as an author, so I imagine that gives her some happiness now, too).

I read two articles on happiness this week that reminded me of that book.

First, The Atlantic posted “There’s More to Life Than Being Happy.”

It says pretty much what it sounds like, but I think it suffers from a lack of clarity in the word “happiness.” I mean, there are different kinds of happiness. There’s the “oh yay I found my lost sock!” happiness; there’s “hurray I’ve been cleared of all charges!” happiness; there’s “I got the big-screen TV I wanted on sale!” happiness; and there’s “I won a Pulitzer/Nobel Peace Prize/best thing ever” happiness.

It turns out that the “TV-level” type of happiness–happiness related to food or things, the kind of happiness we can be sold in a 30-second Super Bowl commercial–is very fleeting. We get used to it, we get over it, there’s something newer to be excited about. But I think that’s pretty intuitive. I mean, you can’t just keep big-screen-TVing your way to happiness, right?

And then there’s the other kind of happiness, the kind promoted by Viktor Frankl, the psychologist in the article, talks about. That might be better called “contentment.” It’s happiness achieved through purpose and meaning. And the things that give us happiness that way aren’t always happy-producing. I mean, you can love your pets/spouse/kids/job and they can still drive you absolutely crazy, right?  Right.

The other article, “Happiness Inc” in the New York Times, talks a little more about the science of happiness research. Which in and of itself is pretty fascinating. Did you know that for the longest time, psychologists never studied “normal” people: they only bothered to research people with obvious issues. But without studying “regular” folks, how would you know what was truly aberrant?

Similarly, it’s taken psychologists a long time to get around to studying happiness. The thing known as “hedonic adaptation” is that big-screen-TV-effect I mentioned earlier.

Personally, I don’t go much for that kind of happiness. I think I’m just not wired that way. I mean, yes, I can admire a big screen TV or a fancy car with the best of them, and I’ve been known to heartily enjoy some chocolate, but I think my life is very much grounded on things that provide meaning. In fact, I don’t think I could try to live “without meaning,” if  wanted to. I look for meaning all the time. Meaning is why I write. Why I edit. Heck, it’s why I’m blogging right now (because I might as well send these thoughts to an audience somewhere. I’d be thinking them anyway.)

How important is meaning to your happiness? Could you be happy without it?

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April 2, 2013 · 9:37 am

The Doctor and Zaphod Beeblebrox

Apparently aliens are all about picking up chicks from Earth. Our planet must be like a Greyhound bus station for these weirdos: they just drop in, pick out a lady they fancy, and they’ve got a Companion. Hurray!

It makes for great stories, it really does, but–hell to the no.

 Why I Won’t Be Traveling Around Space/Time With an Alien I Just Met

  1. Seriously? You want to go *anywhere* with this guy?!

    Stranger Danger
    With both the Doctor and Zaphod, you have a sort of good guy who just walks up to a woman he doesn’t really know and is all like “hey, wanna see my spaceship?” Honestly, that’s the best/worst pickup line I’ve ever heard. And yet it seems to work pretty well. But that’s a terrible idea. I mean, really. It’s just a bad idea to board any UFO with someone you don’t know. Because then you end up with someone who has two heads and a split personality. We have anti-psychotic drugs for crap like that. (Despite his dapper ties and whatever, the Doctor isn’t much better; at any point he could have to regenerate and become someone with a completely different personality? Yeahhhh….I’ll pass).

  2. No Way Home
    Alright, so maybe you are a sucker for cheesy pick-up lines and you go with him. Well, then what, honey? When I first started dating, my mom taught me to always have what she called “Mad Money.” Basically, it’s enough money to a) use a payphone to call for a ride (back before folks had cell phones) or b) get a taxi home in case you get stranded somewhere. How are you gonna follow that advice when you’re traveling through space and/or time? Congratulations, you just got taken for a ride by a maniac and you’re now stuck somewhere with no way back. If you’re lucky, you could probably flag one of the Earth-crushing bulldozers for a ride, but that seems like a pretty bad situation all around.
  3. Itty Bitty Living Space

    Hope you enjoy spending ALL of your time in this weirdly-lit room.

    It’s a little hard to tell on the Tardis (with that whole bigger-on-the-inside thing), but both it and the Heart of Gold are a bit tiny. Not only are you going to be stuck with this creep because you didn’t plan far enough ahead to have your Mad Money at the ready, but you’re stuck in a pretty small place. Anybody who has been on a road trip for more than 5 hours can tell you things get cramped when you’re stuck in close quarters for a period of time. And most of the time with these guys, it’ll be just the two of you (and maybe a robot or two). It’s gonna get testy.

  4. They’re Trying to Kill You
    Look, no matter how “neat” these guys seem at first, you should probably eventually realize they don’t have “safety” on the top of their list. Everywhere you go, you’re nearly eaten, blasted to death, turned into a poppet by the improbability drive, or otherwise harmed by creatures bent solely on your destruction. How many near-death situations does it take before it stops being fun? Honey, if you’re sticking around, you’re both an adrenaline junky and a masochist.
  5. More Than One Way to Explore Exotic Locals
    The supposed appeal of these guys is the promise of seeing the galaxy and all its wonders, but if you fall for that, I’m just sorry for you. There’s so much incredible stuff to see here, on earth! Our planet is absolutely amazing, and you can get around it all by yourself. Or, if that’s too expensive or scary or whatever, turn on the TV or, better yet, grab a book. The limits are really in your imagination.

I’ll read about your adventures when you get back. (But you probably won’t make it back anyway.)

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March 19, 2013 · 9:45 am

Critical Consumption: Dealing with Problem Media

This will be a hit during Fashion Week.

This will be a hit during Fashion Week.

I love Disney movies. To the point that it’s a little ridiculous, actually. In fact, the only person I know who definitely knows more Disney trivia than me works in one of the parks. I like the princesses, the music, the beauty of hand-drawn art, the themes that fill you with emotion.

But all that love doesn’t mean I don’t know about the problems those movies have. On the contrary, in a college psychology class I aced a project  dissecting all the ways Disney negatively portrays women. (There are quite a few).

Sometimes it seems weird that I would be so devoted to something that I find a lot of problems with–but that is hardly restrained to Disney. As a video game fan, it’s pretty common for me to be really enjoying a game that doesn’t line up with my personal views, or even how I’d like to fit into the world. And I’ll read books that do a poor job treating women as full characters.

There’s been a lot of news lately about Orson Scott Card and people protesting his books/soon-to-be movie because of his personal views. And some of my favorite Neil Gaiman stories feature content that is highly disturbing and very challenging to watch.

So what are we to do?

Growing up, I knew some religious parents who wouldn’t let their kids watch any movies containing magical elements of any kind…there really aren’t a lot of G-rated movies that don’t include magic in some way.

I don’t think censorship (even self-censorship) like that is the answer. I think it’s important that we take time to analyze the broader messages of the media we consume: both the messages we’re meant to be getting (as in The Little Mermaid: that love has no boundaries and can overcome all obstacles) and the messages that we’re getting even if the producer didn’t really intend to send them (that Ariel’s physical body is all that is important to her “catching” Eric; her personality is completely unnecessary and probably it’s better if she just focus on body language anyway).

This lets us consume the media we enjoy, and take out the best parts, while acknowledging the problems with the rest. We say “yeah, that’s true, that’s there, but here are all the reasons I like the rest of it.”

As long as you’ve got both parts, I think there’s something we can learn from just about anything.

What do you enjoy that sometimes also makes you cringe? What have you learned from it?

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February 21, 2013 · 10:00 am

IKEA, Masters of Manipulation

I love IKEA. I can maneuver through that twisty labyrinth they call a store in less than 10 minutes—I know all the shortcuts. I can sing most of Jonathan Colton’s “IKEA” from memory without a trace of irony. I think it’s amazing that I can get a dresser and a cheap-but-tasty lunch in one place. I love their inclusive advertising. And I love that feeling of sweaty accomplishment when I turn that tiny allen wrench one last rotation and stand back to revel in my newly constructed purchase of the week.

My home is truly a testament to IKEA. I go through the catalog with a loving but critical eye—what will be my next purchase? Will that coffee table fit in with the rest of my living room furniture (it’s all IKEA, so the answer, generally, is ‘yes’). I’ve finally developed a “grown-up” enough space that I could start buying “fancier” furniture, but I adore my IKEA products.

Come to find out, that’s all part of their master plan.

Well, maybe not master plan, but a nice side effect of their build-your-own furniture. Three psychologists studied the effect of labor on feelings of attachment. NPR did a great story on it.

To the shock of no one who has ever constructed a table from a pile of parts pulled from a warehouse, they found that it is not that we labor hard at things we love (though I’d argue we do that, too), but rather that we love things that we work for.

They offer a nice bunch of cheap jokes at the quality of IKEA furniture along the way (I’ll argue, however, that my furniture is, um, amazingly well-built. No crooked tables for me!…why no, I’m not possibly influenced by the IKEA effect, why do you ask?), but the authors also raise a good question: Does this apply to things besides self-constructed furniture?

Pow!

Because, of course, it does. Businessmen are more enamored with an idea—even if it’s universally seen as a bad idea—if they came up with it. You know that at least some of the people on Regretsy thought their hand-crafted whatever was amazing, even while strangers mocked it online.

And writers, of course, can fall prey to the same possibility. We tell ourselves and each other to “kill your darlings.” And we try, we really do, but that’s why just about everyone recommends finding an editor—you can’t see the quality (or lack thereof) of your own work.

I think that aspiring authors are perhaps more aware of this phenomenon and its dangers than other folks. We also tend to be our own worst critics. I know I can see-saw from boundless enthusiasm to despair over a piece. There is an abundance of quotes from authors describing their own inferiority.

We know we love it. But we also know we hate it. That’s one of the reasons writing can be so painful, but also such a joy.

I’ll continue filling my home with IKEA, and I’ll continue writing, but I’ll keep an eye out for flaws in both.

-ME

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February 17, 2013 · 10:00 am

Dear Reader, (Rules o’ the Blog)

Ta-da! A foray into the wild world of public blogging! I know, I know: “Welcome to the internet, now get over yourself.”

And I shall, Dear Reader, I shall.

But first, I wanted to present some Rules O’ the Blog.

Rules for me, of course. I’ve actually been blogging in some form or another since sometime in middle school (and heaven help me, I hope those blogs have vanished from cyberspace. No one should let middle schoolers blog! Middle school is so full of emotional anguish. We’re just going to embarrass our future-selves!** Stick to a paper journal, kids!), but, for the most part, it’s been held to private journals only select friends could see.

But this is a brave new world, and it’s time I go public. (obviously, I have for a week, but whatever).

With that I have a few guidelines for myself, and I hope to be held true to them.

RULES OF THE BLOG                       

  • Stay authentic.

I promise to stay true to myself. I could not be satisfied with this forum any other way. I’ve given this part a lot of thought. I’ve read a lot of blogs that sounded “unreal”—uber-happy, hyping a product or a thing or an idea to the max, or whatever—and I didn’t want that to be me. That was what kept me from making a public blog for so long. I didn’t want to have to worry that I was becoming one of “those writers.” So I promise to myself, with you, People of the Internet, as my witnesses, that I will stay true to my convictions.

  • Do not talk about day job. Day job does not exist in blog world.

Look, let’s be honest. No one wants to hear about regular work crap. That’s regular work crap, and we spend enough time on that anyway. There’s just no reason to devote more mental space to it. It has its own space, and this is not it.

  • Do no harm.

Luckily no scalpels are involved in blogging, but it’s a cruel world out there. I’m gonna try to keep it sunny-side up.

  • Use pseudonyms for all real-life people, unless they’re ok with being mentioned.

I’m the one making the choice to write online, not them. ‘Nuf said.

  • Do not get negative.

There’s one thing to be authentic, but it’s another to spend too much time on the internet. This isn’t the place for negativity. I’ll take a walk outside instead.

  • Ignore negative people. (or banish them from commenting)

This goes with the above. I’m going to work on being rubber. You can be glue, if you want, but it’ll probably be more fun to be a flower or dragon or zombie or something else awesome.

-ME

**I sincerely hope this isn’t also true of non-middle schooler blogs. Only time will tell.

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Video

Spread the Love to Women Worldwide

Trigger warning: depicts violence, sexual harassment, and rape against women.

Valentine’s Day is conventionally a day of paper-crafted cards, chocolates, and flowers. It’s a day for couples to celebrate their time together and singles to overindulge in a quart of ice cream. But this year, I ask you, consider something a little more.

For 15 years, Eve Ensler’s play The Vagina Monologues has been spreading messages about women’s struggles, joys, and questions. This year she has gone a step further. Her One Billion Rising campaign aims to direct more attention to violence against women.

While I think it’s a little silly to encourage people to dance to end violence, I think any effort is a step in the right direction. Women worldwide are locked in a struggle for their basic rights, and those rights are violated, in every way imaginable, by trusted lovers, friends, neighbors, communities, and strangers. Violence against women is not something that just happens to “those other people”–though I certainly hope it does not happen to you or those you love–but, unfortunately, is in every community. (In fact, I’m sad to say, a woman or girl you know probably has suffered at least some kind of violence.)

It’s time for it to end. Join today with people worldwide and step up to say “This is not acceptable anymore,” and let’s begin to remake the world into a better, more equal, safer place.

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February 14, 2013 · 11:00 am
February 12, 2013 · 3:39 am

In Light of Tragedy, Do a Good Turn

I’ve been thinking a lot about the tragedy in Newtown. It’s horrible, and it leaves me feeling horrible, scared, and helpless. I can’t control the frightening, terrible things in this world, but I can control what I do and how I act. I’ve resolved to be on the lookout for the things I can do to spread love, kindness, and generosity.  Not just today, or this week, or until we reach an arbitrary number of good things, but in my life, all the time.

It’s easy, sometimes, to contribute to a “showy” charity or volunteer event, like a Fun Run benefiting disease research. We make it particularly easy at Christmastime, when Angel trees show up even in the malls, and Santas ring bells outside of the grocery store, and we ostentatiously pile gifts up for people in need. And the financial donations pour in to the Red Cross after huge disasters of all kinds. And those are all good things, but I think we can always make more room for good deeds in our lives.  Giving money, or items, or time are all important, but we—or at least I—can do those things from a comfortable distance.

It’s too easy to get secluded and ignore others when we can help, or make someone’s day in a small way. It doesn’t have to be anything big—in fact, I think it’s probably better that we offer up many small things than only one big thing—but I think, in light of these kinds of tragedies, the best we can do is to reach out and connect with other human beings in our world. Not via indirect donations (but those are good, too, and worth continuing!), but also through personal, human, interactions.

I’m going to watch for the Good Turns I can do. I hope maybe you’ll keep an eye out for the Good Turn you can do, too.

-ME

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